You speak loudest in midst of my silence. You are my north star, You shine even when all else is dark.

He speaks when we listen. He speaks when we listen with our hearts.

Humility. Patience. Obedience. Faith.

08/25/2012

Words are not enough to describe how blessed I feel right now. More than the things that I actually did and received today, I am blessed to really reflect on certain things. The frustration that I felt in the morning was flushed away by the comfort that I experienced later on. Praise God for everything, and may I glorify Him in things that I do.

Adieu!

Last month, all I prayed for was a summer getaway; an outing of some sort. I thought that one weekend away from home would make for a cool what-I-did-last-summer-vacation story. And then again, I was wrong. My summer was filled with love & laughter; it was about making new friends, gaining new experiences, exploring new places, eating a lot, having quality time with family, and deepening my faith.

For the first time in about 5 years, I was able to go out of town with my family. Not really for the usual uwi-ng-sat-balik-ng-sunday routine we do when we go home, but for leisure. I'm amazed to how we could actually enjoy each other's company without the constant bickering between me and my sister. Crazy, how people could actually change and get along. Never thought that was possible, but God makes things possible! Thank You Lord for giving me this family, they're just perfect!

At Caleruega

At Rosario, Batangas with Tala

This summer, I decided to work-even if there are interns working for sir Yayet. It was a good choice, I made new friends and learned a lot! Admittedly, I was a bit -lax since the other RAs were busy working, can't wait for next year! Been learning (and inspired) from the people I work with in the Youth Cluster & RCCESI. Imagine yourself listening to people giving their discipline's take on one matter. AWESOME :D

Youth Research Workshop

Bulk of my summer was spent with YFC. In between working with the Youth Cluster and spending quality time with the family, I was actually serving Him. Back in March, I told a dear kuya in YFC that I feel (spiritually) dry. I prayed for His guidance, to let me hear His message and lead me to His will. And then summer came. Had a lot of 'firsts' in my service, and I believe I was able to experience Him through those things. I spent my weeks packing and unpacking for a YFC activity. Got invited to camps, went to the SHOUT, and the HPV Training.

I enjoyed this year's SHOUT. Familiar and new faces, strangers turned friends, brothers and sisters in Christ, and a household closer than ever. But more than the people I'm with, SHOUT 2012 became personal to me, a week away from everything but not detachment. It was then that I realized that there's a thin line between being 'strong' and being 'broken'. It's called being okay. And so the girl who loved to laugh and smile broke down during the last session. I realized then that the thin line was gone, that I was broken and empty. A brother told me, "Allow the Lord to fill your emptiness. Allow Him to work in you. Lahat naman tayo work in progress". I felt Him like I never did before. I can't even have words to describe that night. He humbled me. He reminded me that He alone is the reason for my mission.

JAD/Sisters fellowship at QC Circle (c) There

Area 1, Number 1! (c) Mica

I confess: I'm a high school baby. I've been serving in YFC HSB since forever. I grew and matured in this program, thanks to my dear ates and kuyas. Nakakapanibago. This summer marked the first time I won't be seeing ate Lucky or ate Tin in the training. The HS Team was different, from what I grew up with. It was God's will. He knew that we, certified HS babies, would grow if other ates and kuyas are able to mentor us. They were not able to see me grow in the Spirit, but I could share who I am to them. As I share my life with them, they do the same and in turn, inspire more in this mission. Praise God for that!

Inspiring people: HSB TEAM ON FIRE!

This summer gave me the opportunity to serve in the HPV Training. I got used to listening and to jotting down notes with everyone. But this time, the Lord showed me a different side-that of the service team. Prayer warrior, laptop girl, etc. Never thought I will be tapped to share God's greatness. One of my questions from SHOUT was answered. He said to me (through the outline), I do not call the qualified, I qualify the called. That line struck me, and yun lang talaga pinanghawakan ko. Being in His presence plus being surrounded by passionate missionaries made the weekend great! The energy this year is different. It feels vibrant, feels like Christ. I'm really excited to serve my love, YFC North B HS and Metro Manila HSB. And I believe it's not a training hype, but I'm excited to share His love with our babies. I've got a long way to go, my YES will last even after YFC. Continuing the journey with Him, continuing the mission.

Metro Manila HSB, represent!

Walang iwanan, parts!

Never cliquish, always sweet.

Work, family & YFC kept me occupied. Work gave me new perspectives, had quality time with my family, and YFC is my summer love. For once in my life, I could truly say that I'm happy. As summer ends, good memories were made. I'm looking forward to creating new ones! I bid adieu to you, summer!

Boom!

Complete. Almost. Area1 SHOUT 2012 (c) Mica

Thank you for a year filled with laughter, fellowship, kasabawan, FOOD, kwentuhan, service and LOVE. Continuing the mission with them, excited to serve Him and North B! I love my household ♥

I'm believe I grew and is still growing in the spirit. Looking forward to what lies beyond in my journey ♥

Realizations.

Earlier, I had the chance to bond with our former household. Even though the time was limited, it was nice seeing (almost) everyone again. My time with them made me realize things, most of them I shared on Twitter.   I tweeted like crazy earlier because of the ideas popping in my head.

1. Grateful for my YFC North B HS Household. I just realized that they're one of the reasons why I love HSB this much. I'm blessed to have served with such passionate people. They helped me to be closer to Him. Plus, these people were strangers turned good friends.
2. Christ centered relationships are the best. After our 'term', the household remained friends. People may change, but our relationship with one another remained the same. Why? Simply because it is Christ who fill the differences that we have. Tonight was a quiet one (very unusual), but we had fun. Being comfortable with each other's silence, simply amazing.  
3. Genuine change could only happen through Christ. Like what I said on Twitter, our stay in YFC is temporary but we'll be Christ forever. I realized tonight that our stay in this community is senseless if we're not living Christ centered lives. We may be actively serving the community, but do we walk our talk? Do we practice what we preach? You enjoy worshiping at events, but how is your personal prayer time? The opportunity of being in YFC is wasted every time we fail to deepen our relationship with Christ. There is a reason why we're called Youth For Christ. The name of our ministry is a constant reminder that Christ wants to have personal connection with us, that we be of His service. We need to change because of Him, and not just because we're part of YFC.

I pray that His love be the center of my life, of everything that I do. I pray that He continue to bless the people who are near and dear to me, and those people who serve Him wholeheartedly. I pray that my faith be strengthened because of Him, with the help of my YFC family. I pray that He speak to me, and lead me to the path He made for me. 

Almighty

I'm getting used to the idea of sitting alone in our living room-watching and listening to a conference kilometers away. I'm getting used to singing, clapping, and jumping along with the delegates-in front of my laptop. Chatting with my household and friends while watching made me feel loved and not alone. But after the live stream goes off air, the reality sets in. I'm not in ILC Aklan, I'm here at home.


I was blessed that when my parents didn't allow me to travel to CDO (due to unreasonable reasons) last year, the ILC live stream was introduced. It was then that I experienced ILC while at home, listening to His message at the comfort of our home. Unfortunately, I was not able to join this year again. It was financial this time. If I passed out on our Davao immersion, nasa Aklan din ako. No regrets though, it was a great experience and praise God, this year's ILC was streamed too.

Personally, I wanted to join ILC Aklan (in flesh) because I was looking answers. It was a tough year. All I did was to serve and to pray, but unfortunately I feel that I wasn't able to give my best for my service and that my prayers were left unanswered. I felt unworthy in the process, and it affected my service. I started doubting, I started questioning His plans, and worst of all, I started putting myself down.

One thing I love about YFC conferences, they speak to you. The sessions target the general membership, but somehow they still hit you deep inside. Among all the lines delivered by the speakers and the sharers, one captured me. It says,

The point is to journey with the Lord. It was never about the circumstance-life is good because of God.

The service that I have know is only a portion of my journey with Him. Saying YES to Him is a lifetime commitment, and it does not end with my term; the call to love is constant. I realized that along the way, I got lost. At some point, bumitiw ako. Good thing though, He's always there to catch us. To say that I'm okay after the conference is a lie. It takes time to put things back to order, or at least close to that. I still pray for healing and forgiveness. It's going to be hard, but God is my unwavering hope and my sweetest companion. Every time that I'll be afraid, I just have to remember that to love is to risk. And as for love (the romantic kind), real love waits. You need someone not perfect, not right but God sent. I'm still uncertain about the future-but I know He has a plan, a purpose, and a promise for things that are about to take place.

I will strive to make my life a proclamation to His greatness. I am a missionary, and this is all for the Glory of the Almighty.

A Year

A year ago, I was elected. A year ago, I said yes.

It was crazy to accept both positions. And yes, Spiderman was right-with great power comes great responsibility. Both kept me busy, hands always full with duties here and there. Weekends filled with activities. Sleepless nights to finish my responsibilities. Schedules that overlap, sacrifices made to give way for another.

A year has passed, and my term has ended. Well, at least for that one position where I got elected. As for the other one, my term ends next year (says the manual). I consider this second year as a second chance in my service. I know, malaki pinagkulang ko. I'm the sister, I should be the one nurturing our household. Yes, guilt is eating me alive during the wee hours of the morning.

I finally had that moment of silence earlier. Slowly, I'm beginning to hear Him again. After asking a bunch of questions and requests, I stopped ranting (in my head). I believe God told me earlier:

Trust in Me. Kapit lang, Debbie. Go ahead and make your decisions, but always remember that I have plans for you. I will reveal everything soon, don't worry too much about the future. Be excited and know that I will always be beside you. 

I don't care whether this is my nth or last year in service, I just have to do my best. I have to treat this year as a precious gift that I can't afford to waste. Inspired to do more this year, thank You Lord! 

I will give thanks forever!

I will give You thanks forever, I will bring You praise, forever, I will worship You forever. Lord Jesus, I surrender.

Every time I'm in a YFC event, I look forward for the worship part. Why? I feel empowered after, because worship is a form of prayer. However, for some reason, I didn't feel excited for the LiveLoud this year. I wanted to go home after our CWTS fieldwork. I was tired and weary, but something inside me forced me to go to Cuneta anyway (along with Leanne who's excitement rubbed on to me, some of it anyway). It bothered me that I actually thought of not attending the worship just because I was tired. Where did my passion go? 

We met up with ate Elaine at Libertad first before going to LiveLoud. My patience was tested at Cuneta, the lines at the gates were long and there were no marshals assigned there to guide the YFCs. If you're not keen enough to look at the gates up close, you will not be able to identify which lines lead to a certain area. It bothered me how easy for me to lose my patience (and just because of a long queue).

A lot was on my mind before the worship started, but I chose to hide them and smile. Seeing friends made things lighter, and I actually approach them randomly. The lights were turned off, then the countdown began. Everyone was screaming, counting down to the last ten seconds. 10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1.

In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Amen.

Hearing those words from the whole community just gave me the chills. It finally came to me, that this was no ordinary worship. More than the fact that I was one of the 7, 000 worshipers, I am surrounded by the people who are important to me. Okay, so not everyone was there, but still. It felt right to worship with my friends. It felt right to sing out loud, to jump, to raise my hand, to close my eyes, and to simply pray. Neither the lyrics nor the sound of my voice mattered, what's important is I'm, I mean, we're doing it for Him. Being in the Bronze area was simply the best. I had the best seat in the house, because I saw how God's love overflowed in the entire astrodome. This LiveLoud is different, it was louder and more meaningful.

There were two sharers that night (a-la YFC UST worship), but what got me was this line:

It doesn't matter how perfect and excellent you are, but what's important is how the Lord perfectly works in your life. #LiveLoud2012

This was His personal message to me. For the past few months, I've been struggling for excellence. I felt that I'm failing in my service, in my academics, and in my work. Apparently, I was wrong. It was never about me being the greatest in this or that. It was about me glorifying God in everything that I do. As one of the new songs go, no longer I but in Christ in me. He saved me from myself, He made my heart remember its purpose once more.

At the end of the night, it was His concert.

Best Memory of 2011

I was checking out what's trending on Twitter, then I saw the hash tag #bestmemoryof2011. Come to think of it, I can't choose one, this year's jam packed with both sweet and bittersweet memories. HAHA. So I'm listing my top 10 memories for this year.

1. CD and Bilibid Trips with USTSS. So okay, I'm neither the VP-Ex nor originally part of the CD committee, but I got involved with these projects anyway. HAHA. Being part of these things made my year extra-meaningful, and also made me appreciate my life a little more. It showed me how even the simplest things in life could bring joy to another person. I'm looking forward to more CD and Bilibid trips in the future, because I know that there's a lot more to learn in each trip. Being involved made me feel like a Sociology major more than any activity that we had this year (sorry, just being honest) and I want every Socio major to experience this as well. Tiring, but worth it.
2. Being an online delegate during ILC CDO. Oh yes, those epic 3 days that I was in front of my lappy, listening to every session and singing worship songs like everyone else in the conference. It proved that no matter where you are, He will always make His presence known to you. It doesn't matter if you don't feel the conference as long as you experience it. I managed to stay up late, tweeting lines from the conference like crazy, updating my HS babies on FB whenever a sesh or a worship would start. I feel blessed that I heard His messages, I feel blessed as an online delegate.
3. Saying YES to a greater service/mission as an ate to YFC NBHS. I still remember the day that Kitin asked me if I'd like to step up, and I said yes in an instant. If given the opportunity to travel back in time, I'd yes there and then again. It is my honor to serve HS based, my home and my family. The moment said YES to Kitin, I said YES to Him. It was a proposal from God, the sign that I was waiting for during that time. It opened a lot of opportunities, things that I have never dreamed about before. I met a bunch of awesome friends from all over the Metro, served in the MMC and went places. It was just amazing and still is. Plus the fact that I've been blessed with a great partner who is patient with me and understands me. Well, not everything is perfect (almost bankrupt, heartbreaks, failures, not giving my all, being unfaithful to my prayer time, etc.), and this is the year my brother stood up for Him. I'm looking forward to serving more and more and more, all for His Glory.
4. UST Quadricentennial Celebration. HEY! I'm studying at the Royal and Pontifical University of Santo Tomas, the Catholic University of the Philippines. I'm lucky to be a quadri baby, being a frosh during the Quadricentennial season or when the University celebrated 400 years of unending grace. The concert was great, featuring alumni and guests, not to mention the pyrotechnics at the end. 
5. Valentines 2011. I also forgot to include this one! It's not special because someone gave me a rose but it's one of the best memories that I have this year because I had no idea that he'll give one. In short, I was surprised! And just to be clear, I did not assume anything then. It was sweet, but back then I know everyone's just teasing us so things can't be serious.
6. Admitting to someone that I like him. Okay, this was just awkward. I could not tell him personally, so it happened over the phone. Other than that, I'm not willing to tell any detail regarding this. HAHA. I don't regret telling him my feelings, at least I could say that I told him. After that, I never wished that I did otherwise and kept those feelings to myself (and my trusted friends). If that affected our friendship in anyway, it was a way of testing us. If it's meant to be, it will be.
7. Team Building Seminar 2011. Epic TBS is just epic! Minus the creepy humming during the 1st night and the misunderstandings, it was great! Great food, great program and great sociology family <3 Our batch got reshuffled, and so the TBS became a way for me to adjust to this change.
8. My 18th Birthday. I had no plan for my birthday. I don't believe that girl's 18th birthday is special, that's American mentality! I mean, I'll only have one 17th and 19th birthday, so why is the 18th so special? The first greeting that I heard was from Howell, I was only asleep for about 10 mins when he called. After that, it took me 30 minutes to sleep again. What made my day special was all the birthday greetings and hugs (from my friends, blockmates, professors, etc.). My senior ates even excused me in the middle of the class just to greet and hug me. I was not able to hear mass then, but I went to two churches that day, hoping to catch a mass.
9. Listening to Johnoy Danao. LIVE. TYL! I was supposed to cancel with Luis on our Moonleaf Katipunan hangout last Thursday because of my migraine. I messaged him and told him that we should push through, I needed to get a planner and I needed my dose of milk tea. I was online during lunch time when Moonleaf shared a photo of Johnoy Danao's Dapithapon Sesh, only to find out that he'll be playing at Moonleaf Katips. And oh my, I just love his voice!
10. When I decided to stay. As the year comes to an end, I decided to stay. I decided to stay in Sociology (in UST) and grow more as a person who sees things beyond the surface. I decided to stay as a friend to everyone, and to stop giving myself heartaches. And lasty, I decided to stay faithful to His promise and wait for the surprises He has in store for me.

I was telling Lyka earlier, 2011 was filled with such great memories that I have a hard time choosing the 'best' one. I guess to sum everything up, 2011 was a great year because of the opportunities and surprises that came.