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I've been struggling to find the right words, phrase, paragraphs for the past few months. Heck, I can't even find the right title for this one. Writing has been my ultimate stress reliever since high school, but it seems like it's been causing me stress as well - falling behind academic writing, the inability to write for Love Cloud, etc. Writing felt like a routine, instead of an outlet for thoughts, creativity, and #feels. I've been meaning to write, leaving a couple of entries left undone. Forgotten. And just now, deleted. Hayy, I don't even know where to start.

However, writing is my life. It will always be part and parcel of who I am - as a person and as an academic. The ultimate cliche line to describe my disposition right now: I miss writing, yet all I ever do is write. Bottom line, I am stuck. Must do something about this, quickly.

I hope to ignite my amour for writing through a series of blog entries in the next few days - not just for the sake of meeting a personal deadline, but to simply appreciate the craft once more. Writing should be more than a hobby, for it is a habit it to be cultivated.

It's always nice to see my thoughts and style evolve through these entries. Let's see how far this will go.

Letter to Nobody

Why do we set standards? Why do we set these crazy standards in the different aspects of our live? We complicate things because of this; we tend to live bounded by those standards, and fail to see beyond the walls that we put up. Why do we expect? And what do we do if our expectations fail? Do we blame ourselves, or those around us? To whom should we address our rants?

Love; one aspect of human life where standards and expectations don't mix well. We have these standards, but at the end of the day, no one is that perfect. I've proven that there's no reason for us to find someone fit for our standards, because that would only lead to failed expectations. I've already met my ideal guy, a friend close to me. I find it funny that I did not see this earlier, but he has almost all of the characteristics I'm looking for in a guy. Funny, I don't find you to be that appealing to me. I don't see myself going our friendship (or at least not yet). If I have the strength to tell him this story, I would say:

Mon chéri, you're my ideal guy. You're too perfect for me though, I think.

Crazy as it sounds, but I don't get why my standards failed. I could almost reach it, but apparently, it is not there anymore. My walls are too thick; I wonder how I'm able to bring this down-someday.

Free yourself from these standards and expectations; start living your life!