A love that keeps me waiting

April 4, 2015
Holy Saturday

Gospel: Mark 16:1-7 (Easter Vigil)

The world offers us with two opposing feelings: certainty and confusion. We often strive to look for assurance in events happening in our lives. Hence, celebrating certainty and fearing confusion. But today's gospel tells us otherwise. In the narratives of the Resurrection, it is revealed to us how great confusion leads to certainty filled with great joy. Just imagine what Mary, Mary Magdalene, and Salome felt when they saw the empty tomb and had been told about Christ's resurrection. Confusion and fear must have filled their hearts! However, this event was life-changing for them as their readiness to lay their lives reveals their faith. Even though they felt uncertainty at first, the Resurrection filled them with joy and hope. It is through this confusion that they became certain that the Lord will fulfill his promises. They just have to wait and to believe.

Similarly, while the world tells us to be certain OR confused, Jesus is telling us to wait. Like His Resurrection, our stories are to be revealed in stages. We may be experiencing confusion in different aspects of our lives, but something better is about to come. God is simply unraveling his plans slowly. It may take a day, a week, a month, or even a year to understand our present circumstances. We just have to wait, to believe, and to hold on to his promises.

What is the Lord asking us to wait on? 

Crazy. Strong. Faithful.

Earlier, I opened a message sent to me by a friend, part of it reads:

Continue to give of yourself in love despite the hurts and challenges. And most of all, allow God to give to you as well, for him to keep replenishing that which you have sacrificed for the good of others.

I did cry for the e-mail. Not because of the pain, but for those words above. To fill you in, I just got out of a relationship. It was not a messy break up, not what I had in mind. No screaming, fighting or crying. Martyr na kung martyr, but I know I have forgiven him. The pain will always be there, but only time could heal this heart - in the hopes of being able to give myself as a whole again, to trust another person, and to love like I have never loved before. Every story has its own endings, and I believe this is not the end for us. No, I don't think (or feel) I want to be back with the person right now. Respeto sa sarili, please. You could never tell what the future holds, but right now I'm really looking forward to be good friends with him. I have found a true friend in him, at kung naniniwala ako sa konsepto ng best friend, siya na siguro yun.

A lot of people would tell me I'm too nice for forgiving him after what happened. Honestly, it is my choice not to burden myself emotionally. No regrets, just love because everything that happened in the relationship is a decision between him and I. I am grateful for that year together, and I choose not to erase it from my memory or even social media. And after all, love had made me crazier, stronger, and more faithful.

Love made me crazier. It pushed me to commute from UST to Katipunan on almost a weekly basis. It made me do things I've never done before. Love made me try weird food, transformed me to a girl (read: skirts and dresses), and even keep me sane (which is not normal). Growing up independently, it's crazy to consider another person in my decisions. It was crazy of having to care for another person other than myself.

Love made me stronger. His mom always reminded me to be extra patient with him. It's hard to control emotions and temper. A year together made me mature. A year together made me a strong woman. That although there are two people in this relationship, I am still my own person. I have my own decisions to make, problems to face. And I guess it is one of the reasons why I'm doing good right now. I don't need another person to make me realize how powerful I can be. Hash tag women empowerment.

And lastly, love made me more faithful. In times when I do not know what to do, I end up praying. Though this love has fallen apart, I pray that He bless us both. It is my faith that keeps me positive. Love will always be a beautiful thing. It is also better shared with someone who has the same faith with you, someone who'd love your God more than you. And I know that I am still journeying God's plans for me, a surprise waiting to be unraveled in the future.

This is a story of boy meets girl. They exchanged letters, went out on dates, met each other's family, and got married. She works in the city, he works out of the country. They never claimed to have the perfect marriage, but they make it work. 

It's quite awkward to share a personal story in front of the class, especially if it's not yours. For theology class, we were tasked to talk with our parents about how they met and got married. After hearing the story behind how they met, initially shocked, I was amazed. I finally understand their attitude and/or views on special relationships. The story of how they ended up together was short, which I cannot fully divulge here without their consent, but filled with lessons and values. I will, however, share bits of it.

They got married after a year or so of exchanging letters and going out. It's an affirmation that dating someone is not an assurance of a life long partnership, loving each other is. It is choosing to work out things that help strengthen a relationship. Along the way, you'll get to know each other and grow together. It's a journey through life, and it could be more enjoyable if you have someone to go through it.

My father was very persistent in courting mama, even when he went back to work. They exchanged letters, even after they got married. I think I inherited their love for writing letters. It's a reminder to always keep an open communication between you and your partner, either verbal or written. If you feel something, you have to communicate it. However, as the cliche goes, the tongue is mightier than the pen. So as you voice out your thoughts, be careful with your words. Reminder: say what you mean to say, and mean what you say.

God is always in the center of their relationship, even if they are not vocal about it. Put your faith in Him, and do your thing. 'nuff said.

Their story is far from over, and I am happy to be witnessing it. I am convinced that love is socially constructed. For every story of boy meets girl, there are people and/or circumstances that brought them together. However, it will always be their choice whether to take the risk of falling in love. Feeling the kilig is one thing, making it work is a different thing. Being in a relationship is not just about those happy moments, but also about those challenging times and getting through it together. Never look for love, it will find you. It will come in the most unexpected way. The wait may be long, but it is worth it. Above all, never give up love.

As for me, my own story continues. Still in the works, but I have faith in real love that is for keeps.