Saturday, March 29

Crazy. Strong. Faithful.

Earlier, I opened a message sent to me by a friend, part of it reads:
Continue to give of yourself in love despite the hurts and challenges. And most of all, allow God to give to you as well, for him to keep replenishing that which you have sacrificed for the good of others.
I did cry for the e-mail. Not because of the pain, but for those words above. To fill you in, I just got out of a relationship. It was not a messy break up, not what I had in mind. No screaming, fighting or crying. Martyr na kung martyr, but I know I have forgiven him. The pain will always be there, but only time could heal this heart - in the hopes of being able to give myself as a whole again, to trust another person, and to love like I have never loved before. Every story has its own endings, and I believe this is not the end for us. No, I don't think (or feel) I want to be back with the person right now. Respeto sa sarili, please. You could never tell what the future holds, but right now I'm really looking forward to be good friends with him. I have found a true friend in him, at kung naniniwala ako sa konsepto ng best friend, siya na siguro yun.

A lot of people would tell me I'm too nice for forgiving him after what happened. Honestly, it is my choice not to burden myself emotionally. No regrets, just love because everything that happened in the relationship is a decision between him and I. I am grateful for that year together, and I choose not to erase it from my memory or even social media. And after all, love had made me crazier, stronger, and more faithful.

Love made me crazier. It pushed me to commute from UST to Katipunan on almost a weekly basis. It made me do things I've never done before. Love made me try weird food, transformed me to a girl (read: skirts and dresses), and even keep me sane (which is not normal). Growing up independently, it's crazy to consider another person in my decisions. It was crazy of having to care for another person other than myself.

Love made me stronger. His mom always reminded me to be extra patient with him. It's hard to control emotions and temper. A year together made me mature. A year together made me a strong woman. That although there are two people in this relationship, I am still my own person. I have my own decisions to make, problems to face. And I guess it is one of the reasons why I'm doing good right now. I don't need another person to make me realize how powerful I can be. Hash tag women empowerment.

And lastly, love made me more faithful. In times when I do not know what to do, I end up praying. Though this love has fallen apart, I pray that He bless us both. It is my faith that keeps me positive. Love will always be a beautiful thing. It is also better shared with someone who has the same faith with you, someone who'd love your God more than you. And I know that I am still journeying God's plans for me, a surprise waiting to be unraveled in the future.